[Same post, just updated some of the rules and added a couple, 20 June 2014]
NCIS - (Former Gunny Sgt) Leroy Jethro Gibbs has 39 (now 50 or 51) Rules of Conduct. While these are, well, kind of "macho" and Geeks are really not "macho" guys, we really, deep-down, want to be macho, he-man guys and not the Dilbert web-weenie kind of guys for which we are normally personified. So, I have been thinking: We, the Geeks of the World probably should adopt some of these rules for our own. Just for your edification, I have searched the internet and listed what I could find of them here. If you can find the missing rules, let me know. Persons who stated the rule other than Gibbs and the episodes in which the rules were given are listed in parentheses.
- Never let suspects (Managers?) stay together (Franks in "Yankee White")
- (2a) Never screw over your Partner. ("Blowback") [2b] Always wear gloves. (Gibbs in "Choke Hold" 1014/14)
- (3a) Don't believe what you're told. Double check everything. (Franks, "Yankee White") (3b) Never be unreachable ("Deception") (3c) Never underestimate your opponent. ("Hiatus, Part 2")
- The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best. ("Blowback") [My Note: This is a rephrase of Poor Richard's Almanac: "Three may keep a secret if two are dead." - Benjamin Franklin] [Or - from Sir Humphrey Appleby in "Yes, Minister": "One may keep a secret if one keeps it a secret that one hath a secret to keep."]
- You don't waste good... ("Baltimore")
- Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness. ("Flesh and Blood", Hiatus - Part 1", Also credited to John Wayne in the movie, "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon")
- Always be specific when you lie. ("Reveille")
- Never take anything for granted. ("Probie")
- Never go anywhere without a knife. ("One Shot, One Kill", "Missing")
- Never get personally involved in a case. ("Obsession")
- When the job is done, walk away. ("Semper Fidelis")
- Never date a co-worker. ("Enigma")
- Never, ever involve a lawyer. ("Collateral Damage" & "Rule Fifty-One")
- Always Work as a Team. ("Leap of Faith")
- If someone thinks that they have the upper hand, break it! ("Pyramid")
- It's better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. ("Silver War")
- Always look under. ("The Artful Dodger" - 3/10/15, Bishop)
- Never, ever bother Gibbs during an interrogation. ("Smoked")
- Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live. ("Forced Entry")
- Two ways to follow. The first, they never notice you. The second, they notice only you. ("Jack the Knife"and "Rule Fifty-One")
- Always watch the watch the watchers. ("Baltimore")
- If it feels like your are being betrayed, you probably are. (Season 9, Episode 1)
- Your case, your lead. ("Bounce")
- There is no such thing as a coincidence. ("Obsession")
- (40a) The Fortys are for emergency use only. (Abby, "Rule Fifty-One") (40b) If it seems that someone is out to get you, they are. (Abby, agreed to by Gibbs, "Rule Fifty-One")
- Never accept an apology from someone who just sucker punched you. (Season 9, Episode 16)
- First things first. Hide the women and children. ("Patriot Down")
- Always clean up your own mess. ("Rule Fifty-One", "Gut-Check")
- Sometime you're wrong. ("Rule Fifty-One")
Rule 69: Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man. (Season 9, Episode 7)
- You do what you have to for family.
- A slap to the face is an insult. A slap to the back of the head is a wake-up call.
- We don't believe in coincidence. But we do believe in bad luck.
- Don't speak Geek-Speak. Speak English. (Gibbs to McGee)
- Always anticipate.
- Don't call Ziva "Ma'am" and don't call Jenny "Madam Director", if you want to live.
- When hacking the CIA's database, give the person doing the hacking a get out of jail free pass.
- When breaking others' rules, do not get caught.
- If you want to gain access to a secure area to investigate, carry a cup of coffee, some paperwork and act like you belong.
- Never underestimate a mama bear when her cub is in danger. (Frank, "False Witness")
So! There you have it. 48 Rules considering 3b, 3c, 40a, 40b, 44, 45, and 51! 58 Rules if you add in the 10 Unwritten Rules. OK, somebody lied about the number of rules. But it was not Gibbs because Gibbs never lies. Probably it was Tony who lied because, well, Tony always lies. But we all know that getting rid of Zeva was the biggest mistake the show has made so far.
BTW, the "One Shot, One Kill" is the motto of almost all "real" snipers. A good policy to follow and not the "Spray and Pray" policy of most modern-day shoot-outs in city jungles with fully-automatic weapons. Only raw beginners (or street punks) who never learned how to shoot need a fully-automatic weapon. Real shooters only need a semi-auto for that second shot at more than 300 meters when a sudden wind gust took the first head-shot off by an inch or so. Also, real snipers never, ever use lasers. If you can see the laser tag, so can the target which means that and they can see you. Well, or so I've been told. :-)